There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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