How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
