PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
