am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
