i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
