Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she peed on how many people?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
