I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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