I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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