Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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