the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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