At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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