is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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