i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
