At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
