based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
