If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
