wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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