I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
