He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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