just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
