it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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