Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
