I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
