You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
