you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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