just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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