If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
