She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
