He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
