Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
