One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
