Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
