Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
