Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
