Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
