You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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