I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
