would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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