i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
