Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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