I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
