its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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