Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize