listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize