Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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