That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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