did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
