O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
