Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I lost the right to judge tonight
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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