Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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