I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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