I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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