just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
