I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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