it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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