guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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