It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
