I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
