A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
