i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
