I accidentally had phone sex last night
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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