I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
