So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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