no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
