you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
