porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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