dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
