everyone is single if you try hard enough
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
