Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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