life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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