At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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