I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize